Tuesday, 17 January 2017

365 questions - 17th January

What are you grateful for?

Irritatingly this question is a little bit lot similar to the one posed on 2nd January. Still, since I have recently written on this blog that I often don't finish things I start and don't feel able to give up on day 17 of 365, here goes.

Today I am grateful for the time spent in the office actually sitting at my desk getting work done. I am grateful that today I only had one meeting and by going out as I did I was able to see the sun and the sky. It was a cold day, but it was bright and fresh. By going to the meeting I managed to get my 10,000+ steps for the first time since I got back from Brussels (as least I think). I am grateful that the meeting finished a little early and since there was no point in going back to the office, I also got home early. I am most grateful that my ex didn't call in today, so I haven't had to experience that.

I am grateful that today has on balance been a good day.

Monday, 16 January 2017

365 Questions - 16th January

Who do you love?

I love the man I plan to share my life with. I never expected to find love again after such a long and often loveless marriage, probably more on my part than his. 

We don't tell each other that we love each other all that often to be honest. But when we do it is very clear that the feeling is mutual. I trust Master with my body and my heart and I love him. 

Sunday, 15 January 2017

365 questions - 15th January

Who last called you on the phone

My last phonemail was from a work colleague on Thursday. I had a missed call from my mum on Friday, which I responded to with a text and then went to see her later. 

Contact by phone is something that we used to do much more often than we do now. Instead we text, email, or make contact by some kind of direct message. I wonder if we are losing direct personal contact with each other? 

Having said that contact between both my mum and I and my son and I are definitely better managed by phone. Plus, at work a phone call has to be easier than 10 emails. Just a thought!


Worship






Saturday, 14 January 2017

365 Questions - 14th January

What did you get done?

Sadly very little today. The week after holiday is always tiring and this has been particularly busy, with some late finishes. I did cook another new dish tonight, which we both enjoyed. Other than that I have mainly been sitting on the sofa watching TV, reading and surfing the net. Maybe tomorrow! 

Finishing off the 30 days of kink

If there was one thing about myself that I would love to change it would probably be to see things through to the end. I am pretty good with ideas, and I am very good at starting a project. But I am less good at actually finishing it. At work, I often find myself losing interest if the going gets a bit tough or others aren't as enthusiastic as me. But generally because it is part of my working life and it is what I am paid to do, I make sure that I push on to the end. 
At home I am not always quite so committed. If a book begins to get dull or isn't well written I invariably give up on it. If a blog post fails to look and feel right I might park it or even delete. This morning I realised that while in 2015 I started the 30 days of kink meme, getting to day 19, I never actually finished it. Since I want to do some tidying up on the blog and move the 30 days of kink onto the meme page, I have decided to get on and finish it off (rather than delete or leave it unfinished. So here goes:

Day 20: Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you’re curious about/don’t understand
There are a few things to be curious about, for example how does it feel to be tied up in a shibari rope and suspended above the floor? What would it be like to be flogged in public? Equally there are things I am not keen on and don't really get, for example needle play - why would you want to do it and what pleasure would there be in it? Still I never say never about anything, but I will never be first in the queue to try needle play.

Day 21: Favourite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)
I have read a number of BDSM related books over the years, both fiction and non-fiction. Indeed when I began this journey, I found that they helped me to find out the kink that I thought I might be interested in. Even with the contents of my kindle to hand, it is difficult to remember all of them; some are much better written and more believable than others.

In terms of fiction, I enjoyed the Rescue Me Saga, written by Kallypso Masters which started with Masters at Arms & Nobody's Angel  and the Brie series, by Red Phoenix which started with Brie's Submissive Training  

My first ever non fiction book was the New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W Hardy, which I still rate very highly.

Day 22: What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?

A healthy relationship takes work by both parties. Whether vanilla or BDSM there is a need for good communication, particularly the ability to listen and understand each other. There is a need to give and take, to care for each other. Some friends of mine once said that a successful relationship needs sex, love and friendship in equal measure.

The nature of a BDSM relationship means that you also must respect each other, there must be trust and communication is perhaps more important. It is difficult to know if the fact that we talk to each other, consider each others feelings and respect each other more than ever was the case with my ex has anything to do with it being a Master slave relationship. We have come into this knowing what we wanted from each other, and over time we have settled into a routine that suits us. 

Our lifestyle might appear vanilla to some, but M/s and kink is never far below the surface of our life. 

Day 23: Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?

I have learnt that there is no right or wrong when it comes to kink and that no two relationships function in the same way. I recognise that I need to feel Master's control over me, I need him to be in charge. I increasingly find decision making difficult and that my preference is for him to make them for me. That isn't to say I am unable to function or that I don't make decisions for myself, it is just my preference. 3 years ago I had no real idea what being a slave might mean. Funnily enough I thought I knew about myself and my submission and about submission in general. But it turns out I was and am still learning. As they say, you are never too old to learn, or it turns out to change. 

Day 24: What qualities do you look for in a partner?
I have never looked for a partner, or really been clear what I would be looking for if I were. There have really only been 3 serious relationships in my life and I have been lucky that all 3 have been with caring men. Now though I am probably happier than I ever have before and that is because this man meets my needs in so many ways. He is kind and considerate and my needs are pretty near the front of the queue. He has a great sense of humour, and we laugh a lot. He is intelligent, and well read and trying to keep up with him on any kind of level stretches my own mind. He is perceptive and that means he is very good at also stretching my body and my list of kinks. 

Day 25: How open are you about your kinks?
I am not at all open with the vast majority of people partly because I don't believe it is their business and also because I doubt they would understand. I don't particularly want to be judged. However if someone asked me about it and I felt that they truly wanted to know I would tell them. I feel lucky to have a few friends who I can speak openly to, but in the main its just Master and I. 

Day 26: What’s your opinion on online BDSM play? 

I can hardly be against it since that is really how Master and I met. On alt.com almost exactly 3 years ago we met in a chat room, where there was lots of online play going on. I quite enjoyed it, but always knew it was just a bit of fun. Some people take it far more seriously, but then they probably aren't going to meet the people they play with in real life. We still used to visit the chat room once we had met, but online play then felt a bit ridiculous and even though he hadn't said that I couldn't play with other men, I really didn't want to. Finally the chat activities on that particular site changes and the rooms became less popular, anyway our own relationship in real life developed to an extent that we no longer needed to go there. 

Day 27: Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?

Of course, my life isn’t spent separating its various elements and doing one thing at a time. The only area where there is no overlap is with work, and family stuff. In everything else yes. For example we love to travel, and there are lots of times when I will be dressed to please him and that will lead to some kinky play while we are out and about. 

Day 28: How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?

Master has bought me a number of leather outfits, a spanking skirt, waistcoats, and some harnesses that I sometimes will wear for our play times. Other times I will be naked. It's really up to him in the main.

Day 29: Do you have a BDSM title(eg mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, Sir)? What is your opinion of these titles in general?

My title is girl. That's what Master calls me most of the time, only occasionally calling me by my given name. Sometimes he will call me slut, or more often get me to call myself slut, or whore or some other. I have no problem with any of these words or titles. It feels ok when I say them and I guess I am just used to it.

Day 30: Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about.


I am not sure there is anything else to say and if anything springs to mind I will add it in.

Friday, 13 January 2017

365 Questions - 13th January

What did you have for dinner today?

Tonight, as it's Friday we are together. I cooked a rather nice (even if I say it myself) Lamb Tagine. I won a tagine cooking pot in a raffle at my slimming club before Christmas and today got the ingredients together to make the dish. Along with cous cous it made a great meal. Sadly I didn't take a photo, but here is the recipe.

Thursday, 12 January 2017

365 Questions - 12th January

What is making you mad? 

I am mad that I haven't sorted my home situation out already.

I am mad that I still allow my ex to trespass over my life and enter this house every day.

I am mad that I still have to work for a living and that I can't be off enjoying my life as I would like. 

I am mad that I don't wake up with Master beside me every day. That I am not able to fulfil his wishes in the way he wants, all of the time. 

But, hey we are where we are and my time will come. Very soon!

Wednesday, 11 January 2017

365 Questions - 11th January

What is your favourite accessory?

We discussed this question last night. Master is already bored with this whole 365 question thing and he isn't even compiling the answers. What constitutes and accessory, he asked. 

I had my own ideas, but checking the online dictionary told me that an accessory is: A thing added to something else to make it more useful, versatile or attractive. 

So if my neck were the thing then a scarf, when it is cold would be useful. 

A necklace would be attractive.

A slave collar? What is that?



Useful? Versatile? Attractive?

To Master, perhaps all three. Useful to signify that I am his slave. Versatile since it can be pulled, pushed and generally used for his pleasure. Attractive since he loves to see me wearing it. 

For me, it just tells me who and what I am. It tells those who want and care to know who I belong to. For others it is an interesting piece of jewellery. 

An accessory.

But truly a necessity to me.

So these questions might be dull but I will carry on and to the best of my ability will try to apply them to my kink, to my slavery. 


Tuesday, 10 January 2017

365 Questions - 10th January

What made you smile today?


The post I just wrote and posted, about the year ahead made me smile. The fact will we be able to spend more time together, that I will be able to express my submission and be the slave he wants me to be made me smile. 

What more is there for now?